Darkness Falls

Hello my dear long departed readers I hope your not mad at me for being gone for so long. It's been half a year maybe more since the last time I wrote. Sorry about being gone for so long I mean a lot has happened. I am no longer identifying as a homosexual believe it or not I have opened up to a darker part of myself, the part of Myself that does like the sweet succulent taste of a womans breast. Now that's not to say I've been with any women yet I have had my sights set on a few. There have been a couple how do I put this pretty young things my work which I have not been to in the past week because last Friday I fell off the bandwagon, and tried committing suicide. I am still following my best friend oh now considers me his brother and I consider him mine, Joey. Unfortunately dear reader I do have to admit as I stare at a full moon eerily test with the fuzzy morning fog about my blog may no longer be as late as it once was. Now, unfortunately again, you may find my blog to be somewhat dark. My blog has always been something that I've posted things that I feel in my heart and the things that I hear in my head. My blog will continue to be such a thing, unfortunately yet again, my mind and my heart have darkened a lot. This once gentle, sweet, bright and life hope filled soul Azman darkened my life. I have fallen prey to the worst kind of demon that exists in our world I fell prey to drug abuse, Russian, homelessness, and abandonment. Now that's not to say that it will all be dark and dreary and gloomy topics but expected a lot. What brought me to rain tonight maybe it's the fact that I am freezing my insomnia because my head is filled with thoughts about the fact that tomorrow morning I may be kicked out of the place but the person that I care about most and I will be kicked out of. It could also being due to the fact that I have down half a bottle of Chardonnay have helped down three quarters of a bottle of what is this Sauvignon Blanc nm still for whatever reason holding a bottle have a Pinot Grigio. Perhaps it's the fact that I sit here on the couch in an empty apartment but waiting 9 o'clock to see if the management at this apartment complex is in fact going to show up at the door and kick me out perhaps it's the crippling depression I have even though I tried to keep a happy and hopeful face that is supposed to be strong enough to carry me and Joey. Or maybe it's just because I felt the need to write I mean I tried jacking off for an hour to no avail. But you really wanted to know that right? I hope I don't offend anyone with either the vulgarity is in this post or future posts that I make. I also for some reason carry the hope then maybe you will learn the things that I write, the lessons that I've learned, the lessons that I will learn, the things that I open up to you dear reader about and I hope that you will have the sense enough to please not make the same mistakes I do do not lock the path of a 20 year old who is falling in love failed at love become obsessed, become addicted to not only drugs; but also became addicted to a person. So dear reader please by all means keep reading my blog, learn from the things that I say, and learn through my life my post my musings to have hope for yourself, to remember that even in the darkest of times you're not alone, there is a light, and there is a way to make things right. Dear reader, never give up on hope never give up on the idea of love, on happiness, and I'm faith in yourself to carry on to keep the strength and to keep a smile. In Dear reader, please check back often to see where my life takes me come with me on this dark adventure.

My name is heroine, and I'm an addict.

Lights come up center stage, there is a young man about the age of 20 lying on the ground in a bathroom and a white figure standing above him, looking at him

FIGURE: (Looks up at the audience) This is what his life came to. He gave his all to someone he loved and didn't get it in return, He tried to find love in another person but that was left in the dark. Cold and alone in the world, I turned to the one thing that I had thought would be my saving grace, the one thing that helped me escape from the darkness that was all around me. (White figure steps over the body and walks forward) I still remember the first time I did it. I was with the person that I thought was my best friend, the feel of the needle going into my arm felt kind of good, I remember getting a head rush because of the prick. Watch the needle get pulled back and seeing my blood fill the syringe was kind of a rush too. To think that I was going to trade just a little blood for such a good feeling. I remember whispering, 'Push it'. Then the brown liquid disappeared into my body and the feeling of lonliness was replaced by a head rush that you just couldnt imagine, My head finally stopped talking to me, stopped being loud, It was all quiet. A smile had even crossed my face. I kept doing it, because it felt good. What I hadn't realized was that after a bit of time, the amount that I was putting into my body had increased, as had the damage. I go so into it that I had started to push people away, I had become this being of lonliness and darkness. I didn't need anything or anykme but the drugs. And this is how it all turned out. I just wish I could've stopped myself in the beginning. Could've seen what I was doing to myself. But, I didn't And now I'm like this. I'm gone higher than ever before. * Lights fade out*