Stuff and more things

Hello people how are you I am still alive I swear sorry about not posting as usual I just been a little bit busy my job moved into a new apartment got a new job now it miss heard on the night before a happy about that I hope everyone had a good Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa all that stuff you'll especially being that I'm a wiccan. I had a good Christmas with my family though, we handed out presents to the homeless and it was awesome. The story and pictures that go with that are to come... as soon I get my hands on more. Life pretty much is still going good. Keeping hope that things will get better. I hope you guys are good.

LONG AWAITED LIFE UPDATE (DONT BEAT FOR NOT POSTING)

GUYS GUYS!!!! I"M STILL ALIVE AND I"M SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING THERES BEEN A LOT THAT HAS HAPPENED (so so much)


FOR STARTERS!!!!

REmember that job I had? Yeah I lost that, apparently Arizona is a Right To Work state which means, for those of you that dont know, that an employer can fire and employee for any reason. (Which sucks)

BUT WAIT THERES MORE!

Two weeks before getting fired.... I moved out of my old roommate's house (I'm sad because this means that I dont get to see my old landlord who I had a slight crush on) and into an apartment with my Best Friend, his name is Joey. (he's awesome)

BUT WAIT THERE"S MORE!!!

I don't have a car because someone drove my car and got into an accident and it was impounded...


BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU AMAZING READERS OF MINE!!!
Its okay.
I"ll be okay.

I"m not giving up hope, especially not in this time of year. Yule, Hanukkah and Christmas, I"M STILL EXCITED FOR THEM EVEN IF I DONT HAVE MONEY TO GET PEOPLE THINGS...

I'm going to make things... i'll post things that I make, but not until after the holidays.


I love you guys, AND I SWEAR I"M GOING TO POST MORE... Joey has promised that he will remind me to post at least once a week. 

THE STORY SO FAR

*Carry On My Wayward Son blares from the TV, a group people in their early twenties sit/lounge on the couches as the colour from the TV lights up the room*


THIS HAS BEEN MY LAST WEEK (along with other shows not just Supernatural).

I'm moving out of my mom's house, and in with some friends of mine. It's gonna be pretty freaking sweet. I" so excite about it.


ALSO I TURNED 20 YESTERDAY.... I feel oddly old, last night when I was driving home from (at midnight because I decided that like a normal person I'd take over time on my birthday instead of going home early, or asking for the day off, I was remembering how not but two years ago I wasn't going to make it to this point. I remembered how things would've sucked because I would've committed suicide, and I wouldn't have moved out to Arizona, and got the amazing job and friends that I have today.

I don't think I've been this happy in a really long time!

Now that I don't live with my momma anymore I'll definitely be able to post more. I also don't have a boyfriend, and I'm really liking that. I just have time for myself.


ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I"M GOING TO BE POSTING THAT'S NEW IS WHEN I GET A FUNNY CALL AT WORK, I"M POSTING IT HERE SO HAHAH YEAH THERE"S SOME LAUGHS COMING YOUR WAY. 

Define Yourself.

ALRIGHT ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE, I"M COMING BACK TO THE LABELS TOPIC.
Labels are something that we see in our everyday lives, we have labels for everything, foods, cars, Phones, Companies etc etc etc... And that's where they need to stay.

"Define me, With all your words, then find me a lesson to be learned"

I remember being in highschool and giving myself the label of "Gay" or "Homosexual" with label came the labels that others decided it'd be nice to call me. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?! That's all they are, labels, words. And they shouldn't be used for people, they should stay with inanimate objects in our day to day lives.

The only label we should have is Human. Because that's what we all are, human, Gay, straight, bi, pan, trans, asexual, whatever, they're just words, We're all HUMAN, that's what we are.

"Try to brand me and burn, but i wont let it hurt me"

On another note, because there are people who will always try to give you a brand, whether it be their least favourite, or their most favourite, they'll do it. Don't let what someone else calls you, don't let their label be a brand that you carry with shame. I remember when people would brand me as "Fag" or "Queer", and you know what? I didn't care. Honestly I didn't. I knew in my heart that some part of them was uncomfortable with their life in someway so they had to make someone else feel uncomfortable, or miserable. Don't let their life's miseries hurt you, just remember that they feel the need to label you because they themselves are striving to get a different label, it may not even be one that they want, but they just want the attention.

"Define me as God’s child
I am human and we’re all in the wild
This Earth is as much mine as yours in the end
So let’s unite as friends

But if I can lie in nature’s bed
Without the roses killing me dead
I think the Earth has got a point
And we’re a moving joint

And if I can say my prayers at night
I think I’m doing something right
Let’s open up a song of safety
And carry through the night "

Remember you are the child of your higher power, whatever that may be. if you can live your own life, then you'll do great, as long as you can sleep and be happy with yourself, then the label shouldn't matter. 

Do what makes you happy people, don't be afraid of being judged, because at the end of the day the only person who will matter, is not the people who are handing out labels like a grocery stocker in Walmart, 

but yourself. YOU SHOULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE, THE ONLY LABEL YOU SHOULD HAVE IS THE ONE YOU GIVE YOURSELF.

Don't listen to what they say, be your own person, if you ABSOLUTELY NEED a label, give yourself one, and live by it.

My current label? Me. That's my label, I am who I am and I"m so totally and completely fine with that. Because then other people can't shadow my mood with their labels.

HERE WE GO A VIDEO

Do you know who you are?

So, I just got done watching one of my all time favourite shows, Grey's Anatomy. The episode was titled, "Do You Know Who You Are?" (Funny how that's the name of this segment right?)

It made me realize something that I've known and have thought about a few times. One person, one event, one tiny little thing, can change everything.

A couple of years ago, I was a wreck, it was after my Ex, Zeta, and I broke up. From that breakup I was thrown into this dark dark place.

I slept around, I drank (a lot) and I even got into drug use. (I'm clean now)

There are some days when I look at my current boyfriend and I wonder how different things would have been , had I not made the mistake of cheating on Zeta.

Have I gotten over the past, and all its dark corners? Not entirely, I do still think him from time to time, i'll admit. I wonder if things would have been different. If he and I would still be together, or if we'd at least talk still.

Those thoughts, however, are things that I'm constantly shoving into the back of my head, where I can no longer hear them.

Why?

Because if things hadn't changed, if Zeta and I were still together, I would probably still be the immature child I was when he and I were dating.

I"m not completely matured, i'm not this adult that can't joke around, or be overly optimistic about things. However, there are things that I no longer do, for example, I don't stick in the future, I live in the now.
I budget my money instead of spending all of it on someone, I have savings planned, and certain budgets set. I might not have gotten over the fact that my older brother molested me for a crud ton of years of my life.


BUT, Since I don't need to think about the what if's? What would life be like? Who WOULD I be?

I can enjoy today, I can say that my life (For the most part) is going great. I"m happy. But most importantly, I know who I am.

I am Jack Bastion, and there is not a thing anyone, or anything in this world or others, could do to change that....


Reader I end with this simple question.


Do you know who you are?

The Good Life.

HELLO DEAR READER!

Yes I"m still alive. I"ve just been LIVING. ACTUALLY LIVING!

I've been in good spirits, good health (Except for these darned allergies)

I have a job, and I love the pay.

I"m getting ready to get my license (tomorrow i'll be doing that)

I"m dropping weight like a hot potato with a spider on it.

And yeah. THings have been great.

I love life?

I told you it gets better.

How have you been dear reader?

Dochas

Dochas is the Gaelic word for hope. Go figure that's what this post is about.


My Mom, a guy from her church and I did a thing today. What did we do? We brought hope to a small portion of people in the homeless community of Phoenix, Arizona. How?

We brought them food, and showed them they matter, my mom prayed with them, and told them of her story.

My Mom used to be a drug addict, and homeless for longest time. In that time I didn't get to see her, as I was living with my biological father, Tim as I call him. After getting clean she started trying to make things happen. It was hard at first, but she kept trying, and she kept Hope in her heart. It was through the kindness of others that she was able to do this.

So, now, every so often, we go and we will put together bags of food, this time we just did brown paper bags with a sandwich, an apple, chips and small thing of cookies. We gave these out with water, and for her she added a prayer with them. We found out their names, got to know their stories. We shared our stories with them, we gave them hope, we showed them that it does get better.

I myself would sit with the people and get to know them even better, about their families, their childhoods. Each one was a new experience. And it was wonderful, not because I like to hear about peoples pain, but because I love to help people and to bring people hope. To be able to help these people was such an experience.

Usually around the end of my posts I urge the reader to go do something similar.

HOWEVER! Doing this kind of thing in particular is kind of dangerous depending on the area you live in.

SO WHAT I AM GOING TO URGE YOU TO DO! Is, if you see the people standing on the side of the road asking for change, or if you're walking into a store and there's a homeless person standing out side, give them some money, it doesnt have to be 100 dollars or anything, a couple bucks will suffice. Just enough to go get some food and water. Or, buy them a snack while you're in the store and on you're way out, give it to them. Remind them that they are not alone, and that they matter.

They're humans too, they have feelings. How would you feel if it were you? 

Music

When in the darkest of times, when all seems hopeless and we think there's no way out, toward the light. There is still one hope. Music.

Music is such a freeing thing, whether it be listening to it or performing it. It truly is a great mechanism to cleanse your soul, to release what you're feeling inside and just can't put into words yourself or it's a great thing to listen to while trying to kill time.

I know that I myself listen to music all the time. My ex used to do this thing called "Zoning out" which I have adapted to doing myself. I see part of the reason why he did it. When he did he would listen to music and dance. Alone, its a freeing feeling (not to mention a good exercise)

I don't do the dancing part because, I usually go for jogs at night and I'm too tired to do it afterwards. However, I do sing, and listen to music. It helps me get out my emotions in a healthy manner. Thank you, to the ex that I am referring to, for letting me experience that.


There are some days that I get very depressed, or just very emotional. On those days I tell my family that I need alone time and I lock myself in my room and just listen to music and sing, as I said before. It does help a lot.


So, reader, next time you're feeling an emotion and you don't know how to express it, listen to music that matches the emotion. Or, listen to music that helps you calm down. You'll find that you feel better. 

Scars

Scars - a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe this to be entirely true. Scars come in many different shapes, sizes and forms. 

You can have the physical scars, the wound ones that are visible, whether it be ACTUAL cuts, or it could be stretch marks, bruises, 

and then

you have the scars that aren't so noticeable, the ones that are hidden in the eyes, or the voice or even the soul of a person.

Scars are more than just what a dictionary says they are.

The problem with scars, is that they never go away, the visibility of them may, but there's always a memory, or a trace somewhere, and if you look deep enough you could even find it.

Everyone has a scar, be it from cutting themselves, getting cut by someone, or getting hurt by someone emotionally.

So, what do you do when you notice a scar? Do you just walk by the person and assume that its in their head? Or that it'll get better? It doesn't always get better, and it's not always in their head. And, if it is in their head, it was put there by someone or something.

I have scars. I have the physical cut scars, and I have stretch marks. But, the scars that affect me the most, are the ones that you notice when you look deep into my eyes. I know my scars are there. I know where they came from. Someone on the street may look at me, and see that I have a smile on my face, and they can think that everything its alright. But, if that person were to look into my eyes, ACTUALLY LOOK, they would see the scars behind the mask.

Phantom of the Opera, is a perfect example of a mask hiding a scar. The phantom hides the scarred side of his face behind a mask, so only a perfect figure shows through. But, when someone, like Christine Dae, removed the mask, you could see the scar.

People thought the Phantom was a monster because of his scar, and because of the hideous scar that made him a monster, no one wanted to be around, or socialize with him.

People in our world they see the physical scars, and they think the person is werid, or a monster (In a sense) and they decide not to get to know them. I'm not saying everyone is like that. There are people in this world that see the scars, both physical and non-physical, and those people tend to try and understand.


To me, the people that see the "Monsters" and just judge based on the scars a person have, they are the real monsters. They have scars too, but they are too afraid to show them, so they hide them, they try to be "Normal"

Why am I talking about this? What am I trying to get at?

People, when you see scars on a person, or in a person, don't just assume "Monster", or "Ew, hideous" and please don't assume that someone is looking attention. If you don't know the person, say its a complete stranger, smile at them, and tell them you hope they have a great day. Because, that smile, and those few words, could help ease the pain of someone's scars. It could even save a life.

Please, dear reader, I beg of you. Don't judge someone for their scars. 

Baking. hehe

OH MY GLOB. So, along with being a writer and actor. I'm a chef, and a baker. And all last week I was baking. IT WAS WONDERFUL. Here are some of the things I made

 The above is a Cake that I baked, it's one of the baby bump cakes. I made it for my sister in-law. (Seen in picture) She's having her second child, and her baby shower was on Saturday. So, I made her a cake. Hehe.

Some Dark Chocolate Fudgy Brownies I made, they have walnuts in them. And, they're in the shape of a heart because tomorrow is Valentines day.

These are some cupcakes I made. They're a white sponge cupcake, that I turned blue, and coated with a butter cream frosting. To be completely honest, it was just left over batter from the cake that I made. Hehe. I was pretty awesome. They're gone now because my family loves baked goods.


So, that's just a few of the things that I made. I also made some Blackberry Oatmeal bars, and cooies. hehe. 

SPOTLIGHT! #1

So, this is a new thing I'm doing called Spotlight. In this, I choose a friend or just something I"ve heard/read/seen lately and post about it, because It's amazing.

Here to kick off Spotlight, its my Friend. Cheyenne. She's an amazing, wonderful and beautiful girl. Who has many talents. One of these talents, Music. This is a video that she did with a cover of Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People. I heard it, and melted like butter in a 5000 degree oven. Hehe. I love her.

We all hope you guys liked it. 

Strange Dream.

I walked out onto the quad in the middle of the bright spring day. College students filled the school, getting ready to go home or their extra curricular activities now that school was done for the day. I walked forward, not completely knowing where I was going, I didn't understand totally where I was, the only reason I knew partially where I was, was because of the other students. As I continued walking forward I saw him, standing there at the other end of the quad, Isaacs.... He was my ex, and we had had a rough past. I was surprised to see him walking toward me, he hated me. I clenched my fists and stood my ground, I swallowed as all my feeling for him rushed into my head, as if someone had let the flood gates open. He stopped less than a foot away from me, he looked me square in the eye "Look," he started, "We've gone years with animosity between us, and it's just too tiring. I'm not going to hate you anymore, but I don't want you in my life at all." I felt confused, what was this? Where was this coming from? "We're not friends, we're not ex's, you're just another kid at my school, got it" he finished and looked at me sternly. I was lost for words but I knew he wanted a response so I just silently nodded my head. Apparently please with my agreeing he turned on his heel and promptly walked away. All I could do was stare as his petite white, fit form waked away from me. "Well that was weird" I said to myself. I looked up and around at the rest of the students, no one I actually recognized

I kept walking until I got to the top of some stairs. Looking out I noticed a few key people, and they had one thing in common. They were either my ex's or people I've had a crush on. Bewildered I thought that I must be dreaming. I quickly headed down the stairwell, only to be stopped by one of my high school crushes, Lucas. I accidentally bumped into him and without looking up I mumbled "Sorry", he responded with a small chuckle and a hug. At this I thought to myself "I must be completely losing it, what the hell is happening?" Lucas lifted my head and planted a small kiss on my lips, when i didn't return the kiss he pulled his head back with a look of mixed confusion and worry, "Babe, are you ok?". I stared at him, Babe? Wait... are he and I dating? Really? I looked at him again and with a meek tone in my voice asked "A-are we dating, like really?" He just looked at me and gave a hearty laugh, "Of course we're dating, silly. Are you sure you're okay?" I thought for a moment and smiled pretending to know what was going on, "Yeah, today's just been a rough day. I'm ready to go home." He hugged me again and grabbed my hand and we started walking towards the parking lot, when we got the car, a shiny black corvette, he hugged me and kissed me again and said "I'll see you at home babe, I have to stay for football practice. I continued to try and play along, I put on a pouty face "Do you have to?" I was slightly curious to figure out what title he held on the team, he sighed and replied with "Babe, you know I have to. They kind of can't do practice without the quarterback" ooh, jackpot! I thought to myself. "Okay, I'll see you when you get home" I smiling. "I love you, babe. And yes, I will see you when I get home, don't forget to make the cake for Owen's birthday tomorrow." I thought for a moment at who Owen was. I had a slight clue, but I didn't want to give away that I didn't know. "Alright, I won't forget. I love you too" The words felt weird as they came out my mouth, never in my life had I though I would be saying those to Lucas. I got in the car and watched him walk away toward the football feild I turned on the car, and just before the radio could turn on..... 

Okay reader, let me explain this. This is a dream that I had last night and it kind of messed me up today. BUT, I've had the time to just zone out and be alone to process things. I decided while I did that, I would write and post because I"ve been kind of lousy with posting. Sorry about being so lame. But my computer is at least sub-par so now I can post some more. 

Sarah, The Ice Princess

Once, there was little girl. Her name, Sarah. This little girl, about ten years of age, loved Winter. She dreamed about Winter, in the Spring, Summer and Fall. She dreamed about the snowmen, snow ball fights but most of all she dreamed about Snow Angels. Her and her Papa would go out every time it snowed and they'd play together, and with the neighborhood children. They'd build the best snowman, and have the most fun and exciting snowball fights, and they'd make the most beautiful snow angels. Her Papa would always look at her and tell her that she was the perfect little Ice Princess, just like her mother was. Sarah's mother died giving birth to her, but her Papa always told her the stories of how they met, and their life together, and how much he loved her. Sarah's favourite story of her mother was about how she and her Papa met. "Well you see, my little one" her papa would say, "I was waking down the street, snow falling heavy as ever, I wasn't looking where I was going, my face stuck in a book as always" he chuckled a little at this part "I ran into her and fell to the floor, she helped me up and when I had dusted myself off I saw her, I had said to myself, and out loud, that she looked just like a Snow Queen. For you see, Sarah, your Mama was a beautiful woman." Sarah loved this story, and when she made the snow angels her papa would tell her that it was just like her Mama, it was this that made Snow Angels Sarah's favourite.

One Winter, around the time of Christmas, snow heavy on the ground little Sarah was diagnosed with Pneumonia, the doctor had said that she was getting worse, and the future looked grim for Sarah. Hearing this her Papa began to despair, and he began to pray to his wife every night. "Claire, my beautiful Ice Princess, our daughter is stricken sick with pneumonia. I beg of you, help us, help me. I don't know what to do, the doctor says there is little sign of her getting better." he finished his prayer with tears silently streaming down his face.

Christmas Eve came around and the doctor came to check up on Sarah, after the check up he took her papa aside and with a heavy face and heart told him "I don't think she'll make it through the night, she hasn't recovered in the slightest, and has even gotten worse. Stay with her tonight, tell her your stories." He didn't say another word and slowly walked out the door. Sadness filled her Papa's heart as he went upstairs to sit with her. Sarah looked at him and with a weak voice said "Papa... Tell me the stories of you and Mama" The father gave a half hearted smile and told her all the stories he could think of, he told them to her until she fell asleep, eventually he fell asleep in the chair next to her.

That night Sarah dreamed a new dream, It was winter, and she was in a Garden of white roses, at the end of a pathway stood a woman. The most beautiful woman that Sarah had ever seen. She was adorned in a white dress, befitting a Queen. She shyly walked up to the woman and asked "W-who are you? Are you an Angel?" The woman smiled a bright, warm smile and with the voice of angel said "My dear little girl, I am your mother, Claire." Sarah's eyes widened, she was so excited and had so many questions. Her Mama was even more beautiful than she thought. Sarah looked at her and then opened her arms as wide as she could then she hugged her Mama harder than she had ever hugged anyone before. Her mother hugged her in return and then looked her in the eye and said "Sarah, my darling. I understand that you are sick, your Papa has prayed to me every night" at this Sarah's face flashed sadness, and with a shaky voice she replied "Yes, Mama, I have Knew-moe-knee-yeah, and the doctor says I might not make it.... wait, is that why i'm here am i dead?" Sarah's eyes started to fill with tears, she felt like her was plummeting toward the ground. But, her mama knelt down and looked her square in the eyes and said "My darling daughter, I am no longer the Ice Princess, I am the Snow Queen and YOU are the Ice Princess, and with my powers, I can make you better. In the morning, you shall be fully healed and able to go out and play and make snow angels, with your papa" Sarah looked at her mama with hope filled eyes, with excitement in her voice she said "Really? I hope so because I love to hear the stories Papa tells me of you and him, and I love making snow angels, they remind me of you" Claire gave a heart filled laugh and with a smile across her face she said "Yes, my darling. You will be fine, and you will able to hear your papa's stories of us, for many years to come, now rest my little Ice Princess." Sarah laid her head on her mother's lap and fell asleep.

When Sarah awoke, Christmas morning, the sun was shining and more snow was falling on the ground. She looked over to see her Papa, who was sleeping on the chair next to her bed, dried streams of tears obvious on his face. She went over and hugged him and with glee in her heart and voice exclaimed "Papa! Papa! Wake up! I"m all better" Hearing his daughter's voice her papa awoke with a start and couldn't believe his eyes, his heart lept and he hugged Sarah tightly. "Papa, Mama healed me, I saw her in my dream and she said I'd be better in the morning! I'm healed Papa!" Her papa looked to the sky and with tears of joy streaming down his face he quietly said a prayer to his wife thanking her for making their daughter better. Just then there was a knock at the door, Sarah ran down to answer it. The doctor had arrived with a sad look on his face, which changed to one of utter shock when he saw Sarah. Her Papa came running down the stairs exclaiming "Doctor, she's better, she's all better" Bewildered the doctor said "By jove, it's a Christmas miracle" Sarah looked at him and said "No, sir. It was my Mama. She made me all better, she's the Snow Queen and she said I'll live for a long time and be able to hear Papa's stories, and make Snow angels. The one's that remind me of her." The doctor just smiled and said "Well then, let's go say thank you to your mother by making snow angels!"

Sarah grabbed her coat and shoes faster than she had ever done before and ran outside to play with the children and the doctor, and her papa. They had a snowball fight will all the neighborhood children and made snowmen, and her and her Papa made the Snow Angels that reminded them of Claire.

Sarah lived for many years after that Christmas, she grew up and fell in love, she had children of her own, and told them stories of Claire, the Snow Queen that saved her life. She died a quiet Death, warm in her bed on a cold Winter night, and was reunited with her Mama and Papa. 

Home.

SOOO Dear reader, A LOT has happened since last we spoke,


I live in Arizona again, still single :/ sort of.... ?

I'm jobless (That's fine, I've been told that I need to focus on me)

I'm going to be going into Therapy because my parents and a detective working on a case having to do with my rapist brother told me to do it. I might have some messed up mental issues or whatever resulting from his multiple years of raping me.

Um... I wrote a short story, i'm not going to post it till I edit it and make it better, but it's cute, its more of a family oriented tale.

I go to a Christian church... I'm studying Christianity a little further so that I can properly write a novel i'm working on now. It's going to AWESOME.

I have a computer available to me at all times, which means that I'll be posting more for sure.

I"m going to be actually doing the song analyzing that I talked about in an earlier post.

I'm working on getting slimmer, you will see results when I see results, I will putting the things I do into a log and all that, and when I start showing I"ll be posting a before and now picture.

I"m pretty excited, Happy NEW YEAR BY THE WAY

I hope you had a good Hannakuh (Oh god why do I feel I spelled that wrong, I'm so sorry, I love you)/ Christmas/ Yule/ Quanza/ etc. I did. It was only a little better than last year... Hopefully my next one will better.

Do you guys have any resolutions?

I do:

Get skinner, Get/keep a stable job/ Help others more/ post here more. :)

Comment with some of yours, maybe we can help each other keep them going, or something.

I LOVE THE CRUD OUT OF EVERY ONE OF YOU! LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA! XD